Comic Shop Confidential

You've seen him in the NYC comic shops.

He acts like he works there.

He pulls entire piles of books off the shelves and thumbs through every copy.

He carries an attache case with a makeshift pneumatic comic protection bag that stands up when the case is open.

He gets in your way.

"Um, which one?" you may ask, recalling various fanboys whose likenesses you block from memory each Wednesday as you leave the comic store.

'Nuff said, right? Not quite.

Let's focus on just one of these guys today, the one I call "Rudy."

Dec. 4, 2009 -- After observing Rudy in action at two different comic stores yesterday, I decided that it was time to start getting some information. The story that I got is actually more absurd that I had expected.

I began noticing Rudy's comic gathering methods and how he spoke with store staff. Last night, at one shop, Rudy thumbed through a thick pile of "What If ... Secret Invasion" before replacing the entire lot on the shelf, stepping back, and patiently waiting. Earlier that day, in another shop, the store owner talked to him like he was speaking to an industry vet. Who the hell is this guy?

Are you sitting down?

According to a shop employee, some guy actually pays Rudy to buy his comics for him. This semi-retired fanboy used to spend all day at a certain Times Square store, from open to close, searching for the most pristine, unspoiled, virginal copies of his books. At some point, he decided that he couldn't do it anymore, so he started paying Rudy to select and buy his books for him. I assume said semi-retired fanboy met Rudy when fighting over who gets the best copy of Wonder Woman.

Rudy's name is actually ***. *** starts his Wednesdays early, just like his employer, in a Times Square-area store, thumbing through every copy of the books he can get his hands on. After hours of painstaking searching, he hands the carefully selected pile over to a cashier to hold onto until he returns from doing the same thing at every other area comic shop. In the evening, he returns from his mission to collect the books he didn't purchase at the other shops.

Although ***'s story is totally insane, seeing him in the stores finally makes sense to me. I can now breathe easy and allow *** to do his thing, without fantasizing about breaking the social contract and messing with him. From now on, I can go comic shopping with a new understanding of ***, the guy who haunts the comic stores.

Some friends of mine brought up some intriguing points about this.

"Holy moly!

That is indeed completely bonkers - and so many other logistical queries arise. How much money does he actually spend in each store? If he buys, say, 4 comics from each shop isn't that far too little compensation for such a windfall of crazy creepiness per week? I'm sure he bugs out many other customers, too, who flee to places like St. Marks Comics where Rudy probably wouldn't bother since they so badly display their wares.

And what is his regular day job if he spends all Wednesday on this endeavor?

And what is his fee???

I want to know who the employer is, the guy behind the guy. It's like a drug cartel!"

* * *

"I wish they had the self-checkout at the comic store! I bet it drives those losers nuts, the ones who look at every issue to pick out the best copy, to then have the employee touch their books when they pay."

Comic-Con Founder Sheldon Dorf, RIP

11/12/09 -- San Diego Comic-Con founder passes away. Where would comics and sci-fi be today without this guy? Thankfully, we will never know.

Photo credit: NY Times

Piiigs innn Jerrrrrrz!

NewComicsDay (Wednesday), Nov. 11, 2009 -- I thank my brother-in-law Jared for alerting me to a comic shop of which I hadn't previously been aware - WildPig Comics II (the original store had been destroyed by a flash flood in '99, hence the "II"). They're about to begin a huge sale (11/14 & 11/15) down there in the wilds of Jerzee, so grab some snacks, some deodorant and your jet pack.

I'm laughing my ass off right now while scanning their web site. Here are some highlights as I smile ear-to-ear while nodding my head in agreement:

WILDPIG COMICS II will NEVER promote or tolerate the following:

* passing off socially dysfunctional, mutated half-humans as courteous, helpful employees and proprietor
* human body odor
* exposed, festering ass crack
* Pokemon, and every other witless trend that removes more comics from your local shop
* dirt, disorganization, and clutter
* crappy new book reservation systems that give you a free bag and board if you're lucky
* having to endure loud, obnoxious, role-playing fuckwits while shopping (sometimes only an expletive can tell it like it is)
* Muzac
* Self important oafs ranting about who makes a better Green Lantern, which Star Trek show is better, and other such weighty philosophical topics that should never take precedence over thinking about how one can find a girlfriend and a life.

I plan on visiting "the sty" very soon - if not for their mohawked pig mascot, then surely for their use of the term "Net" when referring to the Internet (I love slightly outdated geek-speak). Self-aware proprietor Chris is a true geek who has been through the proverbial ringer, and I'm always looking to support such real-life heroes. This guy seems to really get it.

"My Sh*tty Ex-Boyfriend's Rare Comic Books"

DBNCD (Day Before New Comics Day, Tuesday), Nov. 9, 2009 -- Often, breaking up with someone means losing your stuff! Not only that, the added, after-the-fact-responsibility placed on one ex-partner also drives an additional thorny wedge between the two separated sides (probably a good thing). This usually makes for some very entertaining mockery.

I've highlighted my favorite bits from this lovely post, found on Craig's List (of course).

My Shitty Ex-Boyfriend's Rare Comic Books - Best Offer

Seven years ago, I left my ex because he was being a douchebag. We had all this shit in storage, which I've been paying for, and he never even bothered to go and take a look at. Well, now I'm selling a bunch of his shit - including these comic books. I don't know how much they're worth, and I don't have time to find out. I can tell you that they're all in great condition but they're older, like from the 80s, and in these dorky plastic sleeves because god forbid someone gets cooties on them. Are you a comic book geek? Have at it.

Eclipse Comics Lost Planet no. 1 of 6
DC One Batman Too Many no. 403 Jan. 87
DC Superman The Man of Steel The Beast Within! sounds porno-y. no. 4, 5 & 6 oh! and no. 1!
DC Legends nos. 1 & 2
Upshot Flesh & Bones Featuring Dalgoda part 1
DC Demon Book 1 of 4
DC Batman the New Adventures no. 409, 416, 414, 411, 410
First John Sable Freelance no, 59 & 52

There's also a signed series of Star Wars: Episode 1 comic books that has a seal of authenticity, which is sure to make Star Wars nerds cream in your pants. And the first issue is signed and all holography.

I can't blame the girl for trying to sell her ex's old comics. But the irresponsible fanboy wouldn't have left the books behind if they were really worth anything.

Marvel Celebrates the Debut of the Astonishing X-Men Motion Comic

October 28th, 2009 - It's not quite animation, but it's more than a comic book. It's ... Motion Comics! DC did it with Watchmen, Marvel recently did it with Spider-Woman, and now you can take the comic book reading experience to the next level with Astonishing X-Men.

Will Cyclops' optic blast have a cool "SSHHRRAAAKK" sound effect? Will Emma Frost come off English and sexy, or butch and raspy like Dr. Girlfriend from The Venture Brothers? Will the motion comic itself be ... astonishing?

Celebrate with Marvel and enjoy costume contests (just in time for Halloweeeeen!), giveaways, and of course, the premiere of the Astonishing X-Men Motion Comic, today in Union Square, NYC, beginning at 4pm. At 7pm, "ASTONISHING X-MEN will be projected three stories high so that fans can experience the adventure like never before!"

Neal Adams, Chris Claremont, Dan Slott and other creators will be on hand to sign your fanboy man-boobs.

Visit http://marvel.com/fest09 for further info, true believers.

Chillin' with Chewie at Big Apple Comic Con

Here I am chillin' with Chewbacca at the 2009 Big Apple Comic Con.


The actor (Peter Mayhew) who wore the original costume was busy signing autographs 15 feet away. I'm not sure who was in the costume, but maybe that's for the best.

Marvel 70th Anniversary Celebration

Marvel 70th Anniversary Celebration with Joe Quesada, Chris Claremont, Greg Pak, Klaus Janson & Fred Van Lente
> at Barnes & Noble, Upper East Side, NYC, 08.11.09

Writers and artists are always at the comic shows, available for autographs and answers to our geeky questions, but it's rare that I can tear myself away from rifling through the comic bins to brave the lines. Fortunately, five Marvel men - Janson, Claremont, Pak, Van Lente and Quesada - set up shop at B&N for an hour to entertain our probing questions in the name of Marvel's 70th anniversary.


Mighty Marvel Men: Janson, Claremont, Pak, Van Lente (hidden), Quesada

After hearing questions about comic-based movies, Claremont's X-Men Forever, and the making of Magneto Testament, I decided to play a little hardball. "Everyone knows that time in the comic universe is different from that of our real universe," I began. "Lack of aging in characters such as Wolverine, Thor and Scarlet Witch can be explained away, but what about Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Scott Summers and others? How would you explain the slow aging or lack thereof in certain characters?"

"Well, we won't have a Marvel Crisis," Quesada deadpanned, referring to DC's mid-80s hero-housecleaning series Crisis on Infinite Earths. Writers and editors have had some issues with Peter Parker and Tony Stark, Quesada explained. But they find ways to keep the characters young. For example, a writer wanted to give Parker and MJ a kid. Now, the kid couldn't stay the same age forever, and in turn neither could Parker or MJ. By not having kids, Parker can stay in his 20's. As for Cap, well, he did fight in WWII and lay frozen for years, but was defrosted, um, yesterday!

And once again, I suspend my disbelief in the name of being a True Believer.

Quesada went on to explain his take on the differences between the Marvel and DC universes. Marvel's characters are easy to relate to because they are human first, super-powered beings second. Superman's alter ego is Clark Kent, and Batman's way to interact with normal people is through Bruce Wayne. It's the opposite with Spider-Man; he's Peter Parker first, and then Spidey when he dons his costume.

All in all, I'd say the panel went extremely well. A lot of fans purchased the Marvel 70th Anniversary trade paperback and stuck around for autographs. But I wondered how much the good people of B&N knew their audience. Seeing that most of the attendees were adults or at least teens, having dudes decked out in cheap-looking super-hero costumes to accost customers at the entrance seemed a little misguided.

Sure beats doing kids' birthday parties!

"Hey, lady," Spidey called out to a middle-aged lady entering the store, "you like comics? We're having ..."

"Maybe next year!" she replied, fleeing in the opposite direction. Spidey didn't even shrug.

Even I felt a little uncomfortable having to get through two costumed freaks in order to get to the panel. Iron Man and Spidey held court at the entrance to the store, and weren't going anywhere for the time being. The would-be heroes posed for camera-phone shots and kicks in general. Spidey even spoke in a voice remarkably similar to that of Dan Gilvezan (who voiced Spidey in 80s cartoon "Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends").

Closer to the event room, though, lurked an even more frightful figure: The Incredible Hulk! Hobbling around in a busted-up, rubber costume less realistic than what you would have found in a dime-store thirty years ago, he looked scary, but not in a good way. Even Lou Ferrigno would have cringed. But I guess it all added a bit of nostalgic fun to the evening.


RRRAARRRGHH!! Hulk pee! Outdated costume ruined! (cue sad piano music from the 70s TV show)

Know what would be even more fun? If they published the books on time! Or kept the cover prices down! Ok, enough complaining! Back to obsessing ... : )

STAR TREK 2009 proves Roddenberry's genius timeless

It's been years since the last good Trek film, but this one makes it worth the wait.


The action and drama, injected with familiar bits of humor and the characters' famous lines, start right at the beginning and don't let up for the film's entire two hours. Even storytelling elements are much more fast-paced here than that of the original series and movies. Kirk's back-story, featuring his parents, brings to mind the familial themes explored in Battlestar Galactica and Star Wars.



The F/X get a stylistic work-over. Phasers look similar, but flip around when switching from stun to kill. Beaming gets a make-over. The transporter envelops transportees in a cocoon-like energy wrap, with a rushing sound instead of the high-pitched choral static hum of the original series, or the lower-pitched, expanding egg super sci-fi vibration of the earlier movies.

Unlike the more recent Star Wars movies, the CGI and visual aesthetic in STAR TREK are not greatly divorced from the originals, just slightly updated (despite having occurred chronologically earlier). The Enterprise looks more like a starship than a frisbee and two paper towel rolls glued together. The phasers, communicators and tricorders maintain their retro-futuristic look. And, most importantly, Uhura looks great in her red mini-skirt.


Director J.J. Abrams worked hard to pay tribute while updating Gene Roddenbury's vision. And, thankfully, the casting is nearly flawless. After watching Zachary "Sylar" Quinto play Spock, it's hard to imagine anyone else doing justice to Leonard Nimoy's legacy. Quinto does a brilliant job of portraying a young man torn between two species and two worlds - mixed race of Vulcan dad and human mom (played by Wynona Ryder) and serving in Starfleet or the Vulcan Academy of Science.

Chris Pine's maverick Kirk expands upon William Shatner's risk-taking leader of the Enterprise; we even get a deeper look into Kirk's early years as a young man. The more you watch, the more Pine takes on some of Shatner's mannerisms, to much delight.


Simon Pegg (actually half-Scottish) flawlessly delivers Scotty's lines while fusing his own eccentricities with that of the beloved engineer. John Cho adds some serious cojones to the Sulu character when he and Kirk (Pine) skydive down through Vulcan's atmosphere to subdue Nero's world-destroying device. Zoe Saldana plays a smart, fearless, sultry Uhura, while Karl Urban portrays Bones to the hilt. Out of the major protagonists, Anton Yelchin's Chekov is the most different - thicker accent, curly hair - but his excited, nerdy antics add to the tension when saving people via transporter at the last possible second.

Absent from this installment of STAR TREK, for better or worse, is the campiness of bad acting, poorly staged fights, and inadvertently comedic lines (click here for a clip of Kirk's "I... have had ENOUGH... of YOU!" to Kruge while kicking him off the cliff in ST III). Some new story elements in this film differ radically from past episodes and movies, including romance between Spock and Uhura, and the destruction of Vulcan and Romulus. And, apparently, Abrams could not find a way to work Shatner into the film beyond a cameo. Click here to learn why.


In one scene, future Spock explains the events which lead up to why Kirk and Scotty must leave the Starfleet outpost on the ice planet to beam onto the Enterprise en warp to Vulcan. Spock tells young Kirk about Kirk's father being proud of his joining Starfleet. I was hoping the characters would restore reality, and bring back Vulcan, Romulus, Spock's mother and Kirk's father, but maybe all the death is Abrams' set up for the next movie.

As a Trek fan going on 25 years now, I walked out of the theater feeling very happy and excited, overall. I'm sure you will, too.


Photo Credits: Industrial Light and Magic

Who watches the Watchmen?

I did. For all the online fanboy bitching, I think Zach Snyder et al did a great job. I could have done with less of the over the top "Matrix" and "300" style slow-mo action shots, but overall, not bad for a big, loud, sexy, Hollywood interpretation of the celebrated mid-80s graphic novel.

New York Comic Con 2009 Photos (Javits Center, 2/8)

↑ Cobra Commander, looking very evil

Fanboys never die. If you attended this year's Big Apple Comic Con, you experienced the general insanity and excitement in the room, laughing in the face of these tough economic times. The geeks took over with a joyous abandon that I haven't seen at a 'con in years. Movement was restricted within the swelling, all ages crowds, full of the usual sights, sounds and smells. Light saber duels, costumes, Kaiju Big Battel-style throwdowns, general goofy exuberance and ... a non-stop dance contest to "Rockit."

Recession? What recession?

With the dance showdown's cheers echoing overhead every five minutes, I worked as hard as I could to capture the best costumes - while scouring the bins for bargains. I managed to squeeze out "recession specials" from some vendors ("these are not the prices you're asking for"), and made out like a bandit on both days. One seller even insisted I pay $5 LESS for some graphic novels, and I didn't even employ any Jedi mind tricks. It was a buyer's market for sure.

Over to the dollar bins. Perez and Byrne Avengers, Vampirella, New Avengers, Astonishing X-Men, various variants, all waiting to feed my collecting compulsion as I squeezed my bony frame in there. Some bins were so packed with mylar-bagged books that my flipping and pulling process actually frayed some finger. After blowing the smoke off my fingertips, I found an acute case of mylar burn with minor bleeding at the cuticle! Where's that healing power?


↑ X-Men Origins: Virgin

The NY Comic Con's web site boasted heaps of artists, writers and celebrities. Except for the autograph lines, these people were tucked away somewhere. A friend of mine managed to snap a pic of the lawyer from Battlestar Galactica, hanging out at one of the booths, on Saturday afternoon. I had no such luck. But I did have a helluva lotta fun. See ya at the next NY Con - in October ... of 2010. : (


↑ Faker (Evil, robotic He-Man imposter, or cyborg smurf on steroids)


↑ Me & Darth


↑ Two turntables and a battle-battered Stormtrooper Helmet


↑ Spider-Man, stealing Wolvie's spotlight for a moment


↑ Captain America, SO ready to kick your ass


↑ Hoop dream


↑ Leah and wee Jedi


↑ Kaiju Big Battel-style takedown!


↑ The victor: Orange creature!


↑ How much for that Legion of Doom Hammerhead figure in the window?

New York Comic Con 2009 Photos (Javits Center, 2/7)

↑ Rorschach fan, fueling the Watchmen movie hype


↑ Jango Fett (Boba's daddy, but you already knew that, right?)


↑ The female exhibited shyness when I asked to take her picture. Um, you're wearing a COSTUME, lady.


↑ Superfreaks


↑ Japanese Cosplay Singer Reni - like a real-life Minmei


↑ Supergirl - best ... costume ... ever


↑ Girl interrupts Ugly Dolls bumpin' uglies


↑ Microsexual: Something to do with Micronauts, and I don't wanna know


↑ Tall and Scary - I don't know who or what he's supposed to be. Any guesses?


↑ (The Apathetic) Ghostbusters: Thanks, guys. Really.


↑ Joker, Batman, Scarecrow - time to shine!


↑ Some kind of monster

If I had a dime for every time those claws popped ...

Snikt!

Seems these days, you can't enter a comic shop, a web site, or, soon again, a movie theater, without bumping into everyone's favorite, claw-poppin' mutant, Wolverine. I know he's a comic book character, but really, how can one guy be in so many places at once?

Not only is this long-running character slicing his way through at least a dozen titles each month, but he's also got an unrelated one-shot title on the shelves every few weeks, as well as brand-new, previously untold tales in First Class, X-Men/Spider-Man, and more.

I'll admit that I am a part of the problem; I do read a few X-Men titles as well as the regular Wolverine book (the current storyline, Mark Millar's "Old Man Logan," is great), therefore supporting the expanding glut of Wolvie's franchise. But my question is, who the hell is buying all of this other stuff every week?

Here's a list of recent books from the past couple of years, featuring the bad-ass Canadian hero (not including Marvel Apes, or the Ultimate stuff).

Astonishing Tales * Astonishing X-Men * Cable * Dark Avengers * Eternals * Mighty Avengers * New Avengers * Secret Invasion * Secret Invasion: Frontline * Secret Invasion: X-Men * She-Hulk * Uncanny X-Men * Weapon X: First Class * Wolverine * Wolverine and Power Pack * Wolverine: First Class * Wolverine: Manifest Destiny * Wolverine: Origins * X-Factor * X-Force * X-Men Legacy * X-Men: Manifest Destiny * X-Men Noir * X-Men vs. Hulk * X-Infernus * Young Avengers * Young X-Men




The single-story, One-Shot issues have been pretty bloody and pointless, but if you must:

The Amazing Immortal Man & Other Bloody Tales
Chop Shop
Dangerous Game
Firebreak
Flies to a Spider
Killing Made Simple
Saudade
Switchback
Wolverine Annual #2: Roar
X-Force: Ain't No Dog
X-Men: Original Sin

The Collection

The Early Years Collection - comics I read between 1977 and 1994:



Action Comics * Alpha Flight * Amazing Spider-Man * Avengers
Batman * Boris the Bear * Cable (Vol.1) * Captain America (Vol.1)
Classic X-Men * Conan the Barbarian * Daredevil * Dark Horse Presents
Defenders * Detective Comics * Excalibur * Fantastic Four * The Flash
G.I. Joe * Green Lantern * Incredible Hulk (Vol.1) * Iron Man
Justice League of America * Marvel Age * Marvel Comics Presents
Marvel Fanfare * Marvel Tales * Marvel Team-Up * Marvel Two-In-One
Mendy & The Golem * Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind * New Mutants
Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe * Peter Parker, The
Spectacular Spider-Man * Power Pack * Rom (whatever, bub!)
Silver Surfer (Vol.2) * Speed Racer * Spider-Man (Todd McFarlane)
Star Trek (both DC & Marvel series) * Star Wars (Marvel)
Strikeforce Morituri * Superman * Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Thing * Thor * Uncanny X-Men * Web of Spider-Man * Who's Who
(DC Universe) * Xenon: Heavy Metal Warrior * X-Factor (Vol.1)
X-Force (Vol.1) * X-Men

Limited Series:

Aliens: Earth War * Aliens Vs. Predator * Ambush Bug
Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld * Black Orchid
Crisis on Infinite Earths * Fallen Angels
Hercules, Prince of Power (1982) * Invasion
Kitty & Wolverine * Magik
Robotech: The Macross Saga * Robotech: Masters
Robotech: The New Generation * Secret Wars
Secret Wars II

Graphic Novels:

Batman: Killing Joke * Batman/Judge Dredd
The Death of Captain Marvel * Robotech The Graphic Novel
She-Hulk * Stray Toasters * V For Vendetta * Watchmen
X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills


Comics I started reading in 2004, up to now:



Astonishing X-Men * Batman * Cable (Vol.2)
Captain America (Vol.5) * DMZ * The Exterminators
Fables * Fantastic Four * Green Lantern
Iron Man (vol.?) * Kick-Ass
Mighty Avengers * New Avengers * Thunderbolts
Uncanny X-Men * Vampirella
X-Force (Vol.2) * X-Men: Legacy
(formerly "X-Men," then "New X-Men," then "Legacy")
Y: The Last Man

Limited Series:

All-Star Superman * Civil War
The Filth * Final Crisis
House of M * Justice
Lex Luthor: Man of Steel
Marvel Zombies * Secret Invasion
Ultimate Power


Graphic Novels:

Kingdom Come * The Preacher
Vampirella * We 3

And some new additions: The Authority, Planetary, The Ultimates