Comic Shop Confidential

You've seen him in the NYC comic shops.

He acts like he works there.

He pulls entire piles of books off the shelves and thumbs through every copy.

He carries an attache case with a makeshift pneumatic comic protection bag that stands up when the case is open.

He gets in your way.

"Um, which one?" you may ask, recalling various fanboys whose likenesses you block from memory each Wednesday as you leave the comic store.

'Nuff said, right? Not quite.

Let's focus on just one of these guys today, the one I call "Rudy."

Dec. 4, 2009 -- After observing Rudy in action at two different comic stores yesterday, I decided that it was time to start getting some information. The story that I got is actually more absurd that I had expected.

I began noticing Rudy's comic gathering methods and how he spoke with store staff. Last night, at one shop, Rudy thumbed through a thick pile of "What If ... Secret Invasion" before replacing the entire lot on the shelf, stepping back, and patiently waiting. Earlier that day, in another shop, the store owner talked to him like he was speaking to an industry vet. Who the hell is this guy?

Are you sitting down?

According to a shop employee, some guy actually pays Rudy to buy his comics for him. This semi-retired fanboy used to spend all day at a certain Times Square store, from open to close, searching for the most pristine, unspoiled, virginal copies of his books. At some point, he decided that he couldn't do it anymore, so he started paying Rudy to select and buy his books for him. I assume said semi-retired fanboy met Rudy when fighting over who gets the best copy of Wonder Woman.

Rudy's name is actually ***. *** starts his Wednesdays early, just like his employer, in a Times Square-area store, thumbing through every copy of the books he can get his hands on. After hours of painstaking searching, he hands the carefully selected pile over to a cashier to hold onto until he returns from doing the same thing at every other area comic shop. In the evening, he returns from his mission to collect the books he didn't purchase at the other shops.

Although ***'s story is totally insane, seeing him in the stores finally makes sense to me. I can now breathe easy and allow *** to do his thing, without fantasizing about breaking the social contract and messing with him. From now on, I can go comic shopping with a new understanding of ***, the guy who haunts the comic stores.

Some friends of mine brought up some intriguing points about this.

"Holy moly!

That is indeed completely bonkers - and so many other logistical queries arise. How much money does he actually spend in each store? If he buys, say, 4 comics from each shop isn't that far too little compensation for such a windfall of crazy creepiness per week? I'm sure he bugs out many other customers, too, who flee to places like St. Marks Comics where Rudy probably wouldn't bother since they so badly display their wares.

And what is his regular day job if he spends all Wednesday on this endeavor?

And what is his fee???

I want to know who the employer is, the guy behind the guy. It's like a drug cartel!"

* * *

"I wish they had the self-checkout at the comic store! I bet it drives those losers nuts, the ones who look at every issue to pick out the best copy, to then have the employee touch their books when they pay."